


I Don't Know What I'd Do Without You

by LapisLazooti



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depressed Sans, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Many more tags to be added, Platonic Affection, Sans Needs A Hug, Sans Swears Quite A Bit, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:52:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LapisLazooti/pseuds/LapisLazooti
Summary: "Sorry if all my fucking energy is used trying to not kill myself." He immediantly regrets saying this.Sans has been struggling with a lot of shit for a long time. It's finally time for him to (reluctantly) let the others help.





	1. She's A Hero

Sans merely tapped his bony fingers against the counter in front of him as he stared at the snow-covered ground before him. A loud voice was yelling at him and he tried not to listen.

 

It was Undyne, scolding him about neglecting his job and generally being 'a freeloader who needs to start pulling his own weight'. She calls him lazy. He knows none of this is meant to hurt him and that this is supposed to make him angry and want to prove her wrong - that's a common strategy of hers - but it only makes him feel emptier and even more useless than before.

 

She keeps going. He can tell she's waiting for him to interupt her. She says he should be more like Papyrus; more passionate, hard-working, and productive.

 

But what really pisses him off is when she tells him that he puts his energy into useless things. She jumps when he slams his hard fist onto the wooden counter hard enough to scuff the smooth finish.

 

"Sorry if all my fucking energy is used trying to not kill myself." He immediantly regrets saying this.

 

Undyne freezes, taken by surprise by the non-pun response that was much too serious for Sans. She thought she had prepared a witty comeback for every reply he could throw at her... But... 

 

"Sorry." He rubs at the scuffed counter awkwardly with his thumb, doing anything he can to avoid eye contact.

 

The air is heavy and silent while Undyne tries to think of something appropriate to say. She considers simply hugging him. She considers calling Papyrus. She does neither of these things. "Are...you okay?" She decides this answer is stupid, but only after the words have left her mouth. Of course he's not okay.

 

But he shrugs anyway. He feels weird explicitly saying he's hurting, even after... That. "I just have my bad days. You know how it is."

 

She laughs a dry, awkward laugh. "No... I don't. Sans, does Paps know?"

 

"Ha... You ever considered taking up comedy as a side job?" He chuckles and pushes himself away from the sentry station. Instead he leans against the front of it, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the footprints in the snow as something else to look at other than Undyne, who he knows is taking slow steps towards him now. "Of course Paps doesn't know. Hell, he ain't got time to worry about things like that. He... Shouldn't have to worry about things like that."

 

He flinches when she puts her hands on his shoulders with an audible sigh. "Sans."

 

"I mean, just look at how happy he is. He's just a... A big ol' goober. I don't want him to lose that because of my issues. He doesn't deserve that burden."

 

"He doesn't deserve the burden of you being dead, either, and it sounds like that isn't out of the realm of possibility if you don't let us help."

 

He stops and thinks about that for a moment. What Papyrus would do if he kicked the bucket, that is. His initial thought is that Papyrus is more efficient and independent than he is. He can cook, he works hard, he has plenty of friends, and he does nearly all of the chores himself anyway. He could live without him, for sure. 

 

But then he remembers something Papyrus told him last night. 'I really do love it when you read to me before I go to bed. I don't know how i'd sleep without it!' He smiles at this.

 

Even if he can't do much else for Papyrus, he can help him fall asleep. He can read to him. And he knows his brother loves his brother dearly. Hell, he tells him enough. No matter how many intrusive thoughts come into his mind telling him that his bro doesn't love him... He knows that isn't true. Even if Papyrus is the only one who cares for him, that's still someone. That's someone that would be heartbroken if he, er, 'checked out'.

 

"I know." He says, nonchalant. "Listen, uh, I'm not gonna do anything. I have Paps to keep me going. I... Won't do anything while he's still around. Now... If something were to happen to him? That's... A whole new ball game"

 

 

She sighs and pulls him into a hug. He's taken aback by this. He's not used to being hugged by anyone but his brother, but he allows it. "Fine. But you have my number, so if you ever feel like... Doing something dumb, call me alright? It's probably awkward to talk about that crap, but promise you'll call me. You gotta have some sort of outlet."

 

Sans nods faintly and Undyne punches him in the shoulder playfully. She starts to walk away but stops to look back at him again. "And I, uh, can cut you a little slack on your work. I didn't really mean any of that." She flashes him a toothy grin and a thumbs up before jogging towards the town.

 

He pulls his hood over his head as he takes a shortcut to town. He wonders if Undyne has ever had any experience dealing with stuff like this. Maybe not first hand, but she handled him pretty well. Has she had to have a similar conversation with someone else? He ponders this for a moment before deciding, yes, she probably has. She's the captain of the royal guard, of course.

 

She's a hero.


	2. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus comes home after talking to Undyne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was supposed to be a one shot - but it was so fun to write in a different style than usual - it nearly wrote itself. So I decided to continue it. Not sure how many chapters I'll do or if this will somehow evolve into a fully fledged story.

He stares at the television blankly. He feels like maybe he doesn't exist; that is until Papyrus flops down onto the sofa next to him and scares the living hell out of him. "J-Jesus!" He grips the armrest and lurches forward. Papyrus laughs.

 

"Are you alright?" 

 

When Sans looks over, his brother is grinning and theres a light in his eyes. "I was spacing off. Maybe announce your presence more subtly next time?" He chuckles. 

 

"I'll try to remember," He laughs again. "I just got back from Undyne's house."

 

Sans tightens his grip on the armrest again. It's been a couple of days since the incident with Undyne and it's a bit unsettling to think that maybe she had told him something about the matter. "O-Oh?"

 

Papyrus notices his brothers stutter but thinks it's better to not comment on it. "Uh-huh! I had a cooking lesson today, remember?" 

 

Shit, right, he had forgotten about that. He wonders when he became this forgetful. "Ah, right." He feels like he should say something to further the conversation, but he can't seem to think of any thing worthy of saying. Papyrus can't think of how to phrase what he wants to say. This was rare.

 

They sit in silence for a few moments. It's only mildy uncomfortable.

 

"Undyne told me-"

 

Sans feels like his soul might jump straight through his sternum, hearing this. Undyne told him? Told him what, exactly? After his whole spiel about not wanting to burden Papyrus, how could she?

 

"-that you two talked for awhile the otherday."

 

Oh. "Yep. What about it?"

 

"What did you two talk about? She talked about you like you were best friends! I can't think of much you have in common with her, so what on earth could you have done to win her over so quickly?" Papyrus grins, but he knows more than Sans thinks, and Sans suspects he may know a lot. He can tell when he's trying to get something out of him.

 

"Err..." Is it even worth putting up this fight? He was sure Paps would find out sooner or later, although he would much prefer it be later. "We... Talked about you." Well, that wasn't a lie. They did talk about him.

 

Papyrus lets out a loud sigh of defeat. "Sans..." 

 

He dreads what Papyrus might say. He dreads how much his brother may know, he dreads the worry that this will undoubtedly bring, and he dreads having to talk about this with him.

 

But it surprises him when the only thing following is a hug. A hug so loving, it tells him Papyrus most definitely knows something. So tight that it tells him Papyrus is worried. So... Genuine that it tells him is brother is there for him.

 

"... I love you, Paps."

 

"I love you too. Undyne told me why you're such a lazybones. I don't quite understand, but I love you and I want to help in anyway I can! I don't know what i'd do without you!" 

 

Sans sighs with relief and doesn't let go of his brother for a good long while. And when he finally does, it's only when he's ready to. 

 

Papryus lets go when he knows Sans is ready, as well. "You can talk to me about anything. You aren't a burden and your issues aren't a burden, either. Not on me, at least." His voice is softer and more serious than Sans is used to hearing it, but that only enforces the honesty in it.

 

"Thank you. Really." Sans smiles.


	3. I Can Tell You're Hurting Too, Y'know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans has some trouble getting out of bed, and when he finally does, he visits a friend.

It's a bad day. He doesn't know why it's a bad day or why he feels like doing nothing more than laying in bed. Well, he almost always has the urge to just sit there as a lump under the blanket, but he gets up anyway. He doesn't know if he can do that today. Why is it a bad day? Nothing has even happened yet.

 

In fact, he doesn't know why he ever feels like this. He's pretty lucky, he thinks, mental health aside. He's got a nice, warm house. He's got family even if it's just his brother. He has friends. Sort of.

 

So why is he in so much... Pain? If that was even the right thing to call it. It alternated between actual pain and mere emptiness. He didn't feel real, majority of the time. When he knew he should be happy, he couldn't feel anything. When he knew he should be sad, he couldn't feel anything. 

 

What if he was just broken? What if he just couldn't experience emotion like everyone else could? After all, he couldn't remember when this all started.

 

And it wasn't like he had gone through something traumatic that made him like this. If he did - He blocked it out. And that was unlikely. Nothing happened to make him like this, so why? What did he do to deserve this...?

 

When there was a soft knock at his bedroom door, he merely grunts in response. Papyrus takes this as a 'yes, come in' and the door creaks open. "...Sans?"

 

He grunts again and pulls his blanket over his shoulder. He doesn't bother to roll over and face his brother.

 

"Are you alright? It's nearly three o'clock.." Papyrus sounds worried, and it may just be Sans, but he thinks he hears some annoyance too.

 

Jesus, had he really been lying there that long? 'What a useless piece of shit I am', he thinks, and the sudden, unwarranted self-put down is a bit jarring to him. He should be used to this. "Okay."

 

He hears Papyrus' footsteps come farther into his room and the door makes a cringy squeaking sound behind him. Theres another squeaking sound, but this one is from springs when Papyrus sits on the edge of his bed. "Are you alright?"

 

He doesn't answer right away. After so long of trying to keep this from Paps, it's still hard to say when he's not doing so hot. "Listen, Paps... I..." 

 

He waits for him to continue, but when he doesn't, he looks around the room. "Maybe we should have a word to tell me how you're doing! Um, if you're not feeling too good just say..." His gaze falls upon the odd machine in the middle of the room and the science textbooks scattered around on the floor. "...Science! If you want to say you're not feeling good, say science!" He exclaims.

 

Sans almost chuckles at this. "Well. Science." He feels a bit silly, but it is better than blatantly saying he feels like shit. 

 

"Oh. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" 

 

He feels bad for not being able to say yes. But he isn't sure theres anything anyone can do to make him feel better. "Sorry bro, but I don't think so."

 

"...Is... There anything you want to do today that might make you feel better? Do you want to go on a walk? We could cook something together? We could--"

 

"Bro." He sighs and sits up, pushing the blanket off of himself. "Here's the thing about my, um, issues. Sometimes I just... Don't have the motivation to do anything. Even things that I like doing. I know that probably doesn't make sense to you, especially... But... Heh.." 

 

Papyrus thinks about this for a moment before nodding. It's true, it doesn't fully make sense to him, but he tries to understand to the best of his ability. "Can you.. At least get out of bed today?" His smile is warm and reassuring, but Sans can't help but to feel guilty.

 

Here's his brother, wasting his time trying to get him to do something as stupid and insignificant as getting out of bed. He should be doing something worth his time. This is useless. Getting out of bed should be easy, but when he thinks about starting his day, it fills him with unease and dread. He wishes Papyus would just leave him alone and let him wallow in his pathetic self-pity for the rest of the day. 

 

But he knows Papyrus isn't going to let that happen - he's too determined. So instead of wasting any more of his time with this bullshit, he gives in. "...Fine." He swings his legs over the side of the bed and puts his slippers on. "I'll get up."

 

The look on Pap's face was worth it. He jumps up from the bed with a triumphant tone in his voice as he speaks, "Yes! You've done something productive today - You got out of bed!"

 

The intent is to make Sans feel better, but hearing this only feels like the equivalent of a participation ribbon. 

 

Sans throws his hoodie on and the two exit the older brother's room. He feels a bit weak going down the stairs from not moving for so long. He hears a few bones cracking.

 

They're in the living room now and it occurs to him that he doesn't know what he's going to do now that he's out of bed. If he lays on the couch and watches television, he may as well be back in his room. That isn't any better. The thought of working, either at the sentry station or hot dog stand, made him sick. 

 

There was only one thing he could think of that he might actually feel up to doing.

 

"Y'know.. I think i'm gonna go out for a bit." He stretches his arms above his head as he heads to the front door. "I'm not real hungry, so. I'll just make myself breakfast when I get back." And before he could be questioned, he was out the gone.

 

The snow crunches beneath his slippers as he sneaks behind his house. He sticks close to the wall, careful not to be seen as he snaps his fingers with a 'click'. He's in front of the Ruin's doors now.

 

He hopes no one saw him. He prefers not to draw too much attention to himself, especially when it comes to his magic. 

 

He knocks on the door a few times and waits. It usually takes his friend a minute or two to get to the entrance. He wonders how she manages to hear it if it takes her this long to get here. 

 

What if she's busy? She tells him that he's welcome whenever and that she doesn't have much to do anyway, but what if for some reason she's busy today...? What the fuck is he gonna do then?

 

The thought is cast away as soon as he hears a soft, "Hello!" from the the other side. Her voice is gentle and calming - he feels as if she can wash his troubles away with a few words, that's how sweet this lady sounds. ...But he knows she can't. She's just a distraction, not that he isn't thankful for that. 

 

"Yo." He takes a seat in the snow and rests his back against the door. He hears the familiar shuffling of her doing the same. 

 

"So, how are you today, my dear friend?" He can hear that she's smiling. It's a miracle, he thinks, that they found each other. They both like jokes. She actually, well, laughs at his jokes. And even if he doesn't know her name or much about her other than she likes baking, snails, and reading - he considers her his best friend. There isn't much competition for that title, but it still means something, right?

 

"Eh, i'm fine. The usual. Being a lazybones and avoiding work."

 

She giggles and waits for more. He grins. "God, I swear if I have to fill out any more paperwork from my boss I'm gonna kill myself." He laughs. She doesn't.

 

He waits and waits for a response, but there never is one. He realizes he messed up. "Uh. Lady?" 

 

"....You're hurting, aren't you?" The woman on the other side of the door finally says. It was her turn now to wait for answer.

 

What the hell? Was this lady a mind reader? Was he that obvious? Jesus fucking christ, if he was, he must be one depressing bastard at parties.

 

"...One of my children," She keeps talking when she thinks Sans isn't going to answer her. "Used to joke about such things. Even after I told them it was not a funny subject, they continued. I took it as childish naïvety until.... They..." He knew what she meant. He didn't need to hear the whispered continuation of, "They poisoned themself." 

 

"And then I realized that... They may have been jokes, but they were jokes rooted in agony. I... Should have listened. You're the same way, aren't you?" Sans takes this as less of a question and more of a statement on her part. He can tell she knows. "I can hear it in your voice, even when you think your jokes cover it up. I have seen too much sadness to not recognize it so plainly."

 

"Heh. Skeletons sure are bad liars, huh? Everyone can see right through us." He laughs. And so does she, but it is sad.

 

It is sad in the same way Sans' laugh is. 

 

There is another silence before he sighs. "I can tell you're hurting too, y'know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well - I've decided to turn this into an actual story after seeing the positive feedback and a burst of ideas this morning. Buckle up kiddos because as long as I can keep the motivation I have to work on this, you're in for one hell of an angsty ride.


	4. No Problem, Doc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans talks to a certain fish lady; as well as pays a visit to an old friend - the royal scientist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does not show any of the characters in the act - But there are conversations about suicide attempts. Please be careful!

He's okay. Well - No, he's not, but at least right now it doesn't feel like he has a dark cloud looming over him. He even went to work today, at his station in Waterfall. 

 

He hasn't been here for very long, but it's already so boring that he's nearly dozing off. He does have paperwork, but he's procrastinating as usual. He's bored, but not bored enough to y'know, do his work.

 

He hears metal clinking against itself in the distance and immediately knows it's Undyne. He can tell the sound is coming from armor, and the royal guard members in Snowdin don't come through here often. This is her territory, after all. He suddenly remembers that he has a little bone to pick with her - About telling Papyrus when he clearly said he didn't want him to know.

 

The clanking becomes louder and Sans contemplates whether or not he should even bring it up. He feels the need to call her out, but is frankly a little scared that he's overreacting and is only looking to pick a fight. But she stops in front of his station and he has no time to figure it out.

 

"Heeeey, Sans, I'm sorry about telling Paps." 

 

He's surprised she brings this up so quickly. She places the helmet she was carrying on the counter and leans against it, making Sans a little uncomfortable at how close she is now. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't at least somewhat intimidated by her. "I just... I was worried. I didn't want you to do anything. It would've sucked ass if you did do something dumb... and he found you.... Y'know. I'd feel awful for not letting him know, so he could help try and help. I'm just trying to look out for you."

 

Sans shrugs and stares at the single echo flower that's made it's home next to his station. He makes a mental note to tell it a pun after Undyne leaves. He would rather it not repeat the current conversation. He's thankful she's talking much softer than usual, even if it does feel odd and out of character for her.

 

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to do what's right. You aren't mad, are you?" 

 

Sans chuckles and shakes his head. "Nah. Just... Felt a little betrayed at first. But if I was in your place, I probably would have done the same thing. We're cool." He puts his fist up to bump with hers and she obliges. The sound of bone and metal hitting isn't very pleasant. 

 

"Good." She smiles her signature toothy grin. "...Hey, I forgot to tell you last time, theres someone I think you should talk to."

 

"Oh?" Great - A stranger that she wants him to spill his feelings out to. Sounds great. Just awesome. It's not like he has a hard time talking to people he already knows. 

 

"Yeah. She's not a medical doctor so she can't help in that aspect, but I know she's going through some shit and I have a feeling you too might be able to help each other. Her name's Dr. Alphys."

 

Alphys? Now theres a name Sans hasn't heard in a few years. They've grown apart, but he used to consider her a good friend. He's never told anyone, but one of his 'odd jobs' he disappeared for now and then used to be some collaborative work with Alphys. He decides he needs to pay her a visit really soon. "Huh. I'll have to check her out then, if you think she can help." He says, a bit absent mindedly.

 

"Yeah! Just visit the lab in Hotland. I know she'd be up for helping whenever. Just keep her in mind, alright? I gotta go give some pep talks to the Snowdin unit." Undyne picks her helment off of the counter and holds it under her arm. "Take care of yourself, nerd." She does finger guns at him before continuing her route to to the village. He waves as she walks away.

 

He rests his head on the counter once shes gone. Maybe he'll visit Alphys when he's done with his shift... Which will be over in a few hours. He groans, and whispers a pun to the echo flower before he forgets.

 

The time passes excruciatingly slowly. A minute feels like five minutes. And even when he's in an alright mood, he doesn't like being alone for this long. Well - he doesn't like being alone without a choice. If he's in his room with the option of being with Paps whenever he liked.. Now, that's different. But he needs to wait. With how often he's been skipping out on his work lately, he feels like he should at least work one whole shift. So he gets started on that boring-ass paperwork.

 

He perks up when he hears the familiar clanking noise. Undyne's back, and that means his shift is over. He taps his fingers restlessly against the counter. He must be visibly antsy, he realizes when Undyne is in his field of vision she laughs and waves at him dismissively.

 

"Thank you." He says quickly, and he hears another boisterous laugh from behind him as he power walks away. He knows he's a little too eager to leave. He passes through a few of the cave's rooms, admiring the crystals and glowing flowers that lined the dark walls. He rarely passes through here anymore - If he needs to get to Hotland, he uses his magic. He can't be bothered to walk all that way, but it's beautiful.

 

And that isn't any different today. Once he feels like he's out of sight he snaps his fingers and appears in front of the lab. He feels dizzy and realizes he hasn't eaten anything today. Did he eat yesterday?

 

He shakes it off and presses the red buzzer beside the door. There was hardly any time between the buzzing sound and the scientist's voice over a speaker. "O-Oh! Sans!" She sounds happy.

 

He looks around and notices the camera above him. He waves at it. "Yo." 

 

"Come i-in!" The doors swoosh open and Alphys is on the other side, grinning. He's happy to see her smiling - when he worked with her, that wasn't something he saw much. He steps in and niether of them are sure whether they're initiating a hug or a handshake. It ends up being a handshake. 

 

"It's good to see you again, Doc. Uh, sorry I haven't visited sooner. Heh."

 

"N-No, it's a-alright! I know t-things can get busy...!" He notices her stutter has gotten worse.

 

"Yeah..." He doesn't have any excuse for not coming to see her other than his own laziness. He knows she has... Similar issues to his, if not worse, and he knows they should've stuck together through it all. He abandoned her. "Undyne said I should come see you. So, uh, here I am." He chuckles awkwardly.

 

"Oh... R-Really? Why is that?" There's a visible tint of orange on her cheeks and she averts her eyes. Is there something going on between those two? Well, either way, it's none of his business.

 

"Well...." He doesn't quite know what to say, even though he knows she'll understand. He can't exactly use Papyrus' 'Mental health safe word' as his brother has started calling it. "I've been having a bad time. With... Y'know?" He taps at his skull with the tip of his index finger.

 

She stares quizzically for a few moments before it hits her. "...O-Oh!"

 

"She thought it'd be good for us to talk...?" He shifts his weight from one foot to another and stares and the escalator. Theres something inside him that wishes he didn't come here. He was awkward, uncomfortable, and frankly a little too anxious for his liking.

 

"Ah... I-I see. Well! Um! C-Can you stay for awhile, then? O-Only if you'd like, that is!" She chuckles awkwardly. "I understand if y-you can't."

 

He shakes his head and shrugs. "Nah, I can stay for a little while. Papyrus is probably training right now, anyway. I don't have anywhere better to be."

 

"Alright!" She looks pleased about this, and scurries to to grab another chair to drag to the small table in the middle of the lab. She gestures to the new chair and he takes his seat. "Is... There anything I-I can get for you? Anything to eat or drink...?" 

 

He shakes his head again. He's hungry as hell now that he's realized he hasn't eaten, but he hates eating as a guest. There's something that makes him uneasy about eating other people's food, but he isn't sure why. "No, thanks - Just ate." 

 

"Oh, o-okay." She takes the seat across from him and folds her hands togehther, twiddling her thumbs. She doesn't look at him. "So... Uh... H-How do you know Undyne...?"

 

"Papyrus - I think i've told you about him before. Right?" He stops and waits for her to nod before continuing. "He's training to get into the royal guard. Paps and Undyne have become pretty good friends, so she hangs around a lot. And sometimes I work for her, in the whole... Human capturing department." He laughs at the last part. 

 

"Ah... I see." She nods and it's obvious she's trying to think of something else to ask. "If you don't mind m-me asking, why did Undyne think w-we should talk...?"

 

"Well. Um. A little over a week ago, she was lecturing me about needing to do.. More... And I kinda snapped and told her I was using all my energy to not kill myself?" He swears he sees her flinch. She might even be shaking, he notices, as she stares down at her hands.

 

"Anyway. She just said you were goin' through some stuff too, so. That's why."

 

"Eheh... I try to hide it around her. I guess I-I haven't been doing a very good job. B-But... I suppose... W-We did meet while I was about to jump into the void in waterfall. I shouldn't be surprised that she knows I have problems."

 

Sans feels physically sick upon hearing this. Or maybe it's because he hasn't eaten? But he's pretty sure it's the image of Alphys about to fling herself off of a cliff into a never ending darkness that's making him feel like this. She says it so... Casually, as if it's not a big deal. He shudders. "...Why didn't you talk to me about it first? You know i'm only a snap away. You just have to call." 

 

"I... I-I just thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore." She glances up at him and quickly continues when she sees how guilty he looks. "B-Besides! If I called you then, I knew you'd stop me. I-I didn't... Want that."

 

Fuck. That hit him hard. He's never... Tried to end is life, but he's come close to it. He's summoned a magic bone attack before and twirled it around in the air for a good half an hour as he tried to decide whether he should shove it through his soul or not. That had happened more than once. So, even if he hasn't gotten past the decision stage, he knows the feeling of not wanting to be saved. He knows it well. "I understand, but..."

 

"L-Let's talk about y-you!" She stammers. She's definitely shaking. She's shaking a lot, so much that it's becoming worrying to Sans. 

 

"I'm tired of talking about myself and my problems. I haven't been doing much else lately." He mumbles. "Alphys, you seem like you're in a really bad place. At least I'm trying to talk to people. You gotta let it out, kid." He doesn't know why he calls her kid. They're the same age. 

 

He sees a few droplets hit the table and shifts his chair back. "...Alphys..." He gets up and rests a hand on her shoulder. She flinches. "It's okay to cry in front of me. I know."

 

And with that, she breaks down in sobs. Somehow the two end up on the floor clinging to each other desperately, Alphys' claws gripping the back of Sans' jacket, and Sans rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down. She admits to him how often she thinks about killing herself, and he feels like like his heart is going to shatter right then and there. But he listens. 

 

He doesn't know how long they sit there and sob, but it stops after awhile. They calm down, eventually, and Alphys wriggles out of his grip. The shoulder of his jacket is soaked with tears, and he notices the same on her lab coat. "Well. That was fun." He laughs, rubbing at his eye sockets. 

 

"I'm r-really sorry." She wipes her eyes too as she get up off of the floor. She brushes herself off and turns away. "I didn't mean for your visit to turn into.. T-That. Ehehe..."

 

"Hey, that's what friends are for." He hears another small sob from Alphys when he says the word 'friend'. "It's not a problem." 

 

She nods after a brief hesitation and covers her face with her hands. "...Ahh, just don't l-look at me though, I look gross after I cry." She mumbles something at the end of the sentence that Sans doesn't hear. 

 

"Oh please, Alphys, I don't give a flying fuck about your appearance. Even if I did, i'm the king of looking gross. I'm not gonna judge." He laughs and stretches as he stands up again. He glances at the clock and finds out that they were laying there for much longer than he thought, and it's a miracle that he hasn't gotten a phone call from a panicked Papyrus yet. "... Do you think you're okay to be by yourself? Okay enough for me to trust you to stay alive?" God, that was a messed up sentence.

 

She nods. "Y-Yeah. It's getting late, y-you probably need to go, right?" 

 

"Yeah. Papyrus is probably worried..." He gently moves her hands away from her face and holds them tightly for a moment. "I'm really fuckin' sorry for leaving you for so long. We were too good of friends for me to abandon you like that... I... Messed up. Can... You forgive me?"

 

She sniffles and hugs him one last time. "Sans... Of course."

 

He grins. "Don't hesitate to call me. Ever. Okay? I'm up really late most nights, and I swear I'll even pick up the phone in the middle of the night. You won't bother me. You're life is really important to me - and helping you stay alive isn't an inconvenience. Okay?" In his subconscious, he knows he wants someone to talk to him like this.

 

"Okay. ...Thank you." 

 

"No problem, Doc."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, this chapter is about twice the length I expected it to be. Jesus. The next chapter probably won't be up for a few days - but who knows, maybe I'll feel like busting my ass and cranking it out in one day like all the others. I doubt that, though. The next chapter is gonna be pretty long and important, so I wanna make sure I get it right. 
> 
> Join in next time to see what happens when you add a certain human to this equation. ;)


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